My Side

“Today, I liberate myself from all the hurt, disappointment, fear, doubt and criticism. Today, I take back what was taken from me. I’m grabbing hold of my joy, peace, faith, happiness, self-esteem and love. Today, I’m embracing my milk chocolate skin and voluptuous body. And, I’m loving who I am. I’ve made up my mind to be the woman God designed me to be. So, your Honor he can have it all because I have all I need.” The words rolled off my tongue as if they had been prepared by my speech writer on the campaign trail. But, not this time. This time they were my own words. The words that I had been waiting the last 6 years to say.

As I looked straight ahead at the judge, I could see him out the corner of my eye. He slid his chair back and crossed his legs in that condescending manner whenever we had a disagreement about something. My attorney touched my arm as I stood there. Being in my marriage had started to cripple me. I was a strong woman that was created to do great things. And, at that point in my life I was going to do them. He had been doing him, so why not.

“Well, I have a lot to think about in my chamber. This has been a very sticky and bitter battle that was brought before me. Each of you have made your plea to the court,” Judge Lockland stated as she stood to retire to her chamber. “But before I go, I want to make sure this is what you want.”

“Yes, your Honor,” I said loudly.

“Alright, when I return, I will have my decision regarding distribution of assets.”

Truthfully, it didn’t matter to me what she decided. I just wanted my divorce.

As soon as the judge stepped out, I could hear mumbling behind me. In my mind I could see my father frowning because he was the pastor of the largest megachurch in South Carolina. And, divorce was something he was dead set against. People were asking how can she get a divorce? Well it was easy, I married young without consulting God or logic. My marriage was of my own doing.

“That was one powerful speech you gave. I would have thought you were reading from a teleprompter if I didn’t know better,” my lawyer said as we sat down waiting for the judge to return.

“No, I was just saying what was on my heart. But now I feel like I want to throw up because my nerves are shot.” I grabbed the bottle of water off the table and took a huge gulp. That helped a little bit. My life as a wife was coming to an end, and honestly, I didn’t know how to feel. As I sat there staring in space, I could feel someone walking up behind me.

“Montana, are you ok baby?” My mom’s voice was soothing. She was my number one fan and supporter. She knew better than anyone that having to stand up and give that statement to the court took a lot out of me. Plus, she knew it wasn’t the statement my father and sister had prepared for me. I would definitely hear about that later.

I slowly turned to look at my mother, when I noticed my soon to be ex-husband staring in my direction. I turned my head quickly. I wasn’t trying to give him any ideas. What we had was over and done with. Just then he stood up and headed towards my table. I watched as his lawyer tried to stop him. He jerked his arm away and adjusted his suit.

I was frozen. I couldn’t move. Then I thought about heading to the bathroom, but it was no way I was going to be able to stand. My first thought was he was coming over to offer some outlandish deal, that I would take because I wanted this over and done with. I was ready to move on with my life. Another part of me wanted to hear what he had to say.

As Christion approached the table, I looked over my shoulder to see my father, Bishop Joel Nolen, heading towards the table as well. My attorney slid her chair back to block any situation that was coming my way.

“Sir, you need to take your seat,” the bailiff informed Christion as he approached the table.

“I need to talk to my wife,” his voice sounded agitated.

“Sir, I need for you to take your seat,” the bailiff repeated.

“I will as soon as I speak to my wife.”

“Ex-wife,” my lawyer clarified.

“At this moment, she is still my wife.” Christion stated. His voice was dripping with defeat. For the last three days, during the proceedings, he had this smug look on his face. He even smiled when it was discovered he was hiding a million dollars in a Swiss bank account to help take care of his mistress.

“He’s fine,” I managed to say. My mouth was so dry I was surprised that I was able to get a word out.

“Can we talk?”

I was surprised that he wanted to talk. It was a little too late for that. We could have talked six months ago before it boiled down to this. We could have even talked three weeks ago with the mediator, but no he insisted we go to court.

“There’s nothing to discuss at this time, Mr. Yates,” my attorney told him.

“It’s fine, Meghan. I’ll give him a minute.” My parents and attorney were hesitant to leave us alone at the table. But, after a quick reassurance they walked away. Giving Christion and I a moment to talk.

He sat down beside me and I caught a whiff of his cologne. God, he smelled so good. If our relationship was based on smell alone, we wouldn’t be divorcing.

“That was some speech you gave. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that you were reading from the cue cards that you used to sit up all night writing,” he chuckled.

“Me too,” I mumbled.

My heart was racing as we sat beside each other. We hadn’t been that close in a long time. And, what he did next shocked me and everyone else. Christion leaned over and kissed me. I mean he kissed me like he did on our wedding day. The passion that came from that kiss was not something I was expecting.

When our lips parted, I looked around the room. I saw a displeasing look on my father’s face. But Christion was right. I was still his wife, so he hadn’t done anything wrong at that point.

“What are we doing here,” he asked.

“Getting a divorce,” I reminded him.

“Montana, the woman who stood up a few minutes ago was the woman I married. The woman I fell in love with, but…” He stopped then looked over at his lawyer.

My gut was telling me that Christion was about to throw a major curve ball like he used to do when he played baseball in high school. I had to prepare myself mentally for whatever came out of his mouth.

“I love you.”

I held my hand up because I didn’t want to hear any more of what he was about to say to me. And, to say the least, I was confused. The man that was sitting next to me was not the Christion Yates that aired my dirty laundry in the courtroom just yesterday. He had revealed my most intimate confessions, with a courtroom full of people that I admired and admired me. That was a feeling that I wished on no one.

“But, somewhere along the way I felt like I lost you. You were busy climbing the political ladder and I was here just being Christion, the husband of Montana Yates.”

Bullshit, I thought. But the more he talked, the more his words penetrated my hard shell. The same hard shell that I had put up six years ago when I first learned about Christion’s extra-marital affairs. Around the time that I was elected to the state senate.

I kept the affair away from my family and friends, especially our daughter. But when the pictures surfaced last summer of him with his mistress, Anori, in the Dominican Republic. That was the final straw. I was done. I asked him to leave the house. He wanted to try counseling, but we had been down that road. I was finished.

“Why are you telling me this now? All those times I begged you to talk to me. Those times I made sure that you didn’t feel left out at any time.” I felt myself choking up, so I stopped. Even though I had requested the divorce, a piece of me still loved my husband. Wait no all of me still loved my husband but being with him was choking the life out of me.

“No man wants to admit that he was jealous of his wife. When we planned our lives, I was supposed to be the great one. The one who took us to the next level. It was that way for a while, until you emerged as the star of the house. You were the me, I wanted to be.”

Listening to my husband, admitting that he was jealous of my life, hurt. It hurt because I didn’t choose the life I was living. My life chose me. I didn’t think a post I made on Facebook seven years ago, calling for reform on the treatment of women in prison would get any attention. I was simply speaking up for a friend. From there, my life as a consultant went to another level.

“I didn’t plan this life. I never wanted you to feel left behind,” I told him.

“I know you didn’t, but that was my messed-up thinking. You never made me feel less of a man. But when I saw your success, I became jealous.”

I was shocked by the statement. It had been years since he opened up to me like that. We used to talk about everything in the beginning of our relationship. He was my best friend and I was his. We were each other’s biggest fans. I supported him when he wanted to start his airline. I was there every step of the way.

Then, when I decided to run for office, he was cheering me on. Now, I realize that maybe he didn’t think I would win.

“Montana, Anori means nothing to me. She was there at a time I didn’t want you to be there. And, that was wrong. I know it.” He looked over at our lawyers, “Let’s stop this and work it out. I want my wife back.”

Now, he wants to admit he’s wrong. We’re sitting in divorce court, and he wants to admit his feelings.

“I need a minute.” I grabbed my purse and headed to the ladies room. Honestly, I needed more than a minute. I had to process what Christion was saying and check my gut to determine if he really meant what he was saying.

For the first time in the six years since learning about Anori, I had gotten accustomed to being single. I never imagined my marriage would end, but here we are. I’m 38, fat and happy. I had the rest of my life planned out. And, now he comes along confessing his truth to me.

I had prepared our 20-year-old daughter to adjusting to life with mom doing her thing and dad doing his thing. Now, I don’t know what to do.

I was standing in front of the mirror with tears streaming down my face, when my mom rushed in behind me. She was grabbing tissue to dry up my tears, as she had done so many times. “Talk to me Montana. I can see the wheels turning,” my mom said as she put her hand on my back and began rubbing it up and down.

“After three days of battling in the courtroom, how do I say that I’m not sure if I want a divorce?”

“What did he say?”

I shook my head because I wasn’t ready to disclose what he told me. Before court this morning, I prayed to God to give me a sign that I was doing the right thing. Well, I thought the sign was me giving that speech. Now, I’m not so sure. “God help me,” I said as I laid my head on my mom’s shoulder.

“You don’t know if you want to go through with the divorce?” She knew me so well.

“How did you know?”

“I’m your mother. I know everything.”

“I’m so confused. The man that just talked to me, was the man that I had forgotten about. He opened up to me for the first time in years. He was honest. He didn’t hold anything back. That’s how it used to be.”

“I can’t tell you what to do. This is your life and you need to make the decision for yourself. I love you and support whatever decision that you make.”

Just then the bathroom door opened, and my attorney walked in, “The judge is back. Christion is saying he doesn’t want a divorce. Montana you need to get back in here.”

My heart dropped because my husband was thinking just like me. Had we wasted money and everyone’s time to figure out what we needed was communication. Open and honest communication. Kendrick Lamar said it best, “Communication saves relations.” Or, something like that.

“I don’t want it either,” I replied. My mom was staring at me. “We have 18 years of marriage, and I don’t want to throw it away.”

“Are you sure,” Meghan asked. Her face had a blank stare on it.

“I’m sure.”

“Alright, then let’s go tell the judge.”

We walked back in the courtroom, as the judge was calling for someone to come retrieve us from the bathroom.

“Mrs. Yates, I have made my decision, but your husband states that he had a change of heart.” The tone in the judge’s voice was a bit of agitation, and I could totally understand why.

As I walked up to the table, I grabbed the bottle of water to wet my whistle before speaking. “Your honor, I concur with my husband. I…” Before I could say another word, the judge held her hand up.

The judge looked from me to Christion. She leaned back in her chair and motioned for the bailiff. She whispered something to him before she started speaking.

“Many times, in my court room, I watch marriages crumble right before my eyes. Sometimes they are marriages that I united in holy matrimony. I have been married 45 years, and I go home at night asking my husband what’s happening to the young people and their views on marriage. He always says, one day it’s going to be a couple that will change their mind. And, when they do, I want you take a picture and let me see them. You are the couple that my husband has been talking about.”

I looked over at Christion who now looked like the man I married 18 years ago. The man I fell in love with 22 years ago. And, the man who took my virginity. I didn’t see the infidelity, I saw the hurt. I didn’t see jealousy, I saw misunderstanding.

“I’m going to tell you a story,” she sat up in her chair. “Twenty-five years ago, I thought I had this marriage thing all worked out. We both had great careers, our twins were in college, a beautiful home, four cars in the driveway, and a boat. Then one Sunday afternoon, as we enjoyed our dinner there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door, a young woman was standing at my door holding a baby.”

My heart dropped as the judge stated that the woman holding the baby, claimed it was her husband’s baby. That was my biggest fear. One day Anori would walk up to me with a baby in her arms.

The judge continued, “I stood there numb. I had been betrayed by my best friend. I collapsed. I woke up in the hospital, and the doctors diagnosed me with a broken heart.” My eyes were focused on the judge. I could only imagine what she was feeling at that moment as she told the story.

She stopped for a minute as if she was reliving the entire day over and over again. “Needless to say, I’m still married. Divorce isn’t an easy decision. I’m going to hold off on your divorce for 60 days. I want to give you all time to think about this then we will come back to see what your final decision is.”

We all agreed. I wasn’t for sure what was next. All I knew was I was still Mrs. Christion Yates. I prayed the next sixty days revealed to me what I needed to know about my relationship.

Sixty Days Later

We walked in the courtroom hand and hand. For the first time in years, I had his full attention. And, he had mine. I realized my own mistakes, insecurities, and disappointments in my marriage. Marriage is a full-time job plus overtime, and I started working part-time.

Everyone sat in the courtroom waiting for the judge to come out to inform her of our decision. The decision that was forever going to change the course of both our lives.

When the proceedings started, I took a deep breath as my lips slowly opened to give my answer to the judge, “We have decided…”

I didn’t finish before I felt a jerking on my arm. I looked to my left to see Christion collapsing to the floor. My heart skipped a beat as I looked at him lying lifeless on the floor. I screamed at the top of my lungs for help. I couldn’t breathe.

“Don’t leave me,” I cried out. “Baby, don’t leave me.” I kissed his forehead as he opened his eyes for just a moment. I knew without a doubt if we didn’t get him help, he was going to leave me.