“Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.” I sat straight up in the bed. Saylor was asking for her Cup-Cup. And, at that moment I realized that I had been dreaming. Relieved, I scooped up my bundle of joy and headed downstairs to fill her cup with apple juice. “Thank you, Mommy.”
“You’re welcome, Baby.”
As I looked in beautiful brown eyes, I realized how much she looked like Cartier. I scooped her up and held her in my arms as she sipped her juice. Never in a million years, I would have thought I would be given a second chance to be with the man I loved. Just knowing he was alive, broke my heart.
Tears ran down my face as I rocked Saylor back to sleep. Twenty minutes later, I managed to pull myself together and headed back upstairs to put her to bed and check on the girls.
Safiya and Sagourni were fast asleep in Sarabi’s room on the floor. I stepped over them to turn off the TV and made my way to Sahara’s room. She was fast asleep as well. I was careful not to make any noise. I didn’t want to wake anyone up. I grabbed my phone out my bedroom and headed back downstairs.
It had been three weeks since, I had made love to my husband. My supposed to be dead husband. And, all I could do was think about him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I was about to text him when I remembered the burner phone. I had turned it off and stuck it in my desk. The moment I turned it on, texts started coming in back to back.
Fifteen text. Mainly, “I miss you;” thinking of you;” and “I love you.” But, it was one text that caught my attention. It was the last one.
He’s with me now
Not sure when the text were sent, my mind started racing. My gut was telling me that Cartier was living a whole other life with someone else. And, that’s the reason he had ran out on us. Anger started to build up. Without thinking I called him. I was praying that she would answer, but she didn’t. He did.
“Hello.”Hearing his voice did something to me. Every part of my body was tingling. “Roe, you there?”
“How could you?” I was trying to keep my voice down. I knew it was going to be hard to do, so I went to the garage.
“Baby calm down. Talk to me.”
“You bastard. You’re with someone else. You left me here to raise our kids, so you could lay up with another woman.”
Tears were running down my face. I was shaking like a leaf on a tree. I needed to calm down before I woke the girls up.
“Baby, it’s not like that.”
While he was trying to explain, I headed back upstairs to make sure all the girls were still sleeping. Relieved that they were still sleeping, I heded back downstairs.
“The girls alright?”
“No, they’re not alright, you asshole.”
“I deserve that and much more.”
“Yes you do.” I took a deep breath to keep from exploding. “Cartier, who is she?”
“I met her a couple months ago, when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life here in Sudan. But, after we made love, I realized that I needed to come home.”
Trying to whisper, “So why did she text me?”
“When?”
“I don’t know. I turned the phone off and just turned it back on before I called you. It was the last incoming text.”
“Roe listen to me, I’ve cut off all interactions with her. I swear to you.”
“Have you been sleeping with her?” The words were choking up in my throat as I asked him.
“Roe.”
“Don’t Roe me. Have you been sleeping with her?”
“Not since we made love.”
Hearing him admit that he was sleeping with someone else made me sick to my stomach. I ran into the downstairs bathroom and hurled over the commode. I could hear him asking me if I was ok. I didn’t say anything as I lay on the bathroom floor sobbing in my arm so the girls didn’t hear me.
“Roe. Baby please talk to me.”
*****
Listening to Roe crying, was breaking my heart. When she didn’t respond, I just sat there waiting for her to say something. Relieved when she finally got back on the phone, I told her to get some sleep and I would call her back in the morning. It’s a six-hour time difference between us, and I had just arrived at work. I would call her on my break.
“Whatever,” she snapped.
“Baby, I love you with everything in me. If I could change things, I would. You have to know that.”
“All I know is you left me and moved on with someone else.”
Hearing the hurt and pain in her voice broke me. I promised her that the minute I was back home, I would never leave her again. She didn’t say anything before hanging up. And, I was going to keep my word.
By lunch time it was only 6 am in Commons, but I took a chance and called. I was praying she wasn’t too mad and would answer. “Hello.”
“Hey Baby. How you doing?”
“You really want to know?”
“I do.”
“Pissed.”
“You should be.” The one thing I had promised her pops when we got married was I would do everything in my power to make her happy. “Are the girls up?”
“Nope.”
“How are they doing with the homeschool situation?”
“They’re fine. They have all As.”
“My girls.”
“Hmph.”
“Roe, I know its going to take a lot for you to forgive me. But, please understand that everything I did, I did for you and the girls. I swear. She went silent on the line. I thought he hung up. Until I heard the commode flush.
“I hear you.”
“Roe, you ok?”
“No. I think I’m pregnant.”
“You do?” She didn’t sound as excited as I did. “You take a test?”
“Not yet, but I’ve been throwing up the last two weeks. And, taking more naps than Saylor.”
“Take one.”
“I will.” She paused, “Why you leave us?”
No matter how many times I explained, it still wouldn’t make any sense. And, at this point I don’t know. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I could have come out on top without having to fake my death. “I don’t know.”
“Well at least you’re honest.”
I agreed to call her back tonight so could take the text. I wanted to be on the phone with her. But, for now I needed to put my plan in motion to head home to my family. But, first I needed to talk to the other woman in my life. Akifa.
The woman I had started sharing my bed with for the last few months. I sent her a text that I was getting off early and I was heading home. Having to tell her that I was leaving her wasn’t going to be easy. She had filled a void in my life that had been missing.
By the time I arrived home, Akifa was there.
“Hi,” she said when I walked in the house. She was in the middle of catching up on the latest episodes of Insecure.
“How you doing?”
“I’m good. Guess what? I picked up some fresh papayas and mangoes on my way home.”
“You know what I like.”
There was no need for me to sugar coating things, I came right out and told her that we couldn’t be together anymore. I didn’t give her the details because it was none of her business.
“It’s her isn’t it. Your wife.”
I a stupid look came across my face. “How do you know about her?”
“When you were asleep, I found the phone. Is she really your wife?” I still didn’t say anything. “Why are you here with me?”
“It’s complicated.” Looking at her face broke my heart, but I had to get back to Roe.
“Are you going back to home?”
“Yes.”
She looked at me with this look I hadn’t seen before. “I’m pregnant.”
