Chapter 1
2 years. WOW it’s really been 2 years. It seems like yesterday when your commander knocked on the door to let me know you wouldn’t be coming home . My life as I knew it ceased to exist the day you left. I dream of you every night. For 16 years you were my best friend, lover, biggest fan & the best husband and father alive!! You were the epitome of a #GirlDad! Cartier Shaw Ebony I love you with every breath I take & I thank you for the 5 beautiful gifts you gave to me. They are the reasons I keep going!! Until we meet again…LOVE YOU ALWAYS ~ Moon Pie
I read the post at least a dozen times before I finally hit the submit button. All day, things seemed to be out of sorts. The girls had more attitude than normal. Sandy, our family Rottweiler, ate two pair of my shoes. And, Amazon delayed my packages. I just chopped it up to being stuck inside because of the coronavirus, until I looked at the date. 3/27. The day that changed my entire life.
Once, the post was submitted, I logged out. I would wait until the morning to see the likes and comments. Instead, I did my usual nightly rounds. My first stop was five feet across the room to my used-to-be sitting room to check on my baby girl Saylor. Number 5. Who was curled up with her Bobby, the teddy bear Cartier bought her, fast asleep.
The reason we were roommates was because when we built our home four years ago, for our Fantastic Four, we didn’t add an additional bedroom. We were done having kids. Even though I wanted to give him a boy, I got my tubes tied. Then, during a quick trip home from one of his tours and after 3 bottles of wine, we conceived Saylor Shaw. Two-years old and my little fire ball.
I covered her and Bobby up, then made my way across the hall to check on Sagourni Monroe. Number 4. The one who kept me on my toes. She was a mixture of her dad and me. And, if you knew us, you knew that wasn’t good at all. Gourni, as we call her. She’s brave, outspoken, and resilient. At 6, she was directing our family YouTube channel. Her goal is to be a movie director. And, her favorite song is Let It Go from Frozen. Which she sang on a regular basis.
After I stuffed the top half of her body back in bed, I made my way next door to check on Safiya Trinity. Number 3. Safiya is the heart and soul of the family. Laid back and full of love. She takes care of everyone. Just that morning, she prepared breakfast for us. Heaping bowls of Froot Loops and Apple Jacks. At 8, she’s my most sensitive child. It’s like she picked up on everyone’s worries. And, did everything in her power to fix it. Don’t get me wrong, she's the worse temper. She contains it well though. Just two weeks ago, she took down a 10-year-old at the park for picking on Gourni. Safiya was not to be played with.
I gave my baby girl a kiss on the forehead, then walked across the hall to check on Sarabi Angelou. Number 2. Rabi Lou, as I called her. My 12-year-old mini-me. She makes sure the weekly groceries and supplies are ordered online. As well as monitoring Amazon and all streaming services subscriptions. My own little personal assistant. And, she manages to do it all while making straight A’s in school. The worse part for her during this #socialdistancing is the fact she can’t go to school. But, don’t worry, she Facetimes her teachers everyday requesting additional work. I removed her iPad from the bed and placed it on the charger, before kissing her on the cheek.
My final stop was to check on Sahara Reign. Number 1. My sweet 16-year-old. And, the other driver in the house. For Christmas I purchased her first car. And, now she was helping with carpooling, grocery pick-ups, and food runs. She saved me tons on Grub Hub and Uber Eats. She’s the creative soul of the family. Plus, our own personal stylist. The fact that the entire family had dreads, she made sure we were all re-twisted and styled. I swear she made life so much easier. She always has.
“Hi Mom,” she said when I cracked the door open. She was sitting up in bed with her iPad.
“Hi,” I whispered. I wanted to make sure not to wake up my 2-year -old who has super sensitive hearing. “What are you doing up?”
“Looking at pictures. Did you forget what today was?”
“No baby. I can never forget this day,” I said as I climbed in the bed with her.
“I miss him so much.” Tears filled my baby girl eyes as she laid her head on my shoulder. The worse feeling in the world is not being able to heal your child’s broken heart.
“I do too baby. I do too.” I wrapped my arms around my baby as tight as I could until she fell asleep. She was hurting. I was hurting. We all were hurting. Saylor was only two months old when Cartier passed away. But, she recognizes his picture. I know she would've been a true definition of a daddy’s girl.
Now, that my baby had fallen asleep, I eased out her bed. I went to check on Sleeping Beauty in my room, before heading downstairs to get a slice of red velvet cake that Gourni had made the day before. It was her dad’s favorite, and now mine.
I cut the hugest slice I ever had and poured myself a glass of milk. I plopped my voluptuous milk chocolate body on the couch and started to ball. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it was going to jump out my chest. The pain I was feeling, felt worst than it did when they told me Cartier was killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan. He was blown to pieces, so much so that we buried an empty casket.
Ten minutes later, I pulled myself together and finished off my slice of cake. Lord knows that was the last thing I needed, but it helped with the pain that I was feeling. Instead of going back upstairs, I turned on Netflix and started watching Queen Sono. I was two episodes in when my phone started buzzing. It was almost two in the morning, and I had no idea who would be calling me. Unknown, appeared on the screen. My first thought was not to answer, but I’m nosey so my curiosity got the best of me. And, you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat.
“Hello.” I sat there a second waiting for someone to respond but nothing. “Hello.” Still nothing. “I know good and well, you guys are not doing robocalls this time of night.” I was about to hang up when I heard someone. I sat up because what I was hearing had to be a joke.
“Moon pie. It’s me.”
It was Cartier. At first I thought I was dreaming, so I pinched myself. I pinched myself so hard, I squealed. I cupped my hand over my mouth because I didn’t want to wake up the girls.
“Moon pie,” he said again.
“Who is this?” I figured it was one of his buddies playing a game on me because they all knew he called me Moon Pie.
“Baby it’s me. Cartier.”
“I don’t know who this is, but don’t ever call me again,” I snapped before ending the call. I was shaking so bad, that the phone fell out my hand. “I need a drink.” I went to the wine fridge and grabbed a bottle. I didn’t even grab a glass, I drank straight from the bottle.
I sat on the couch in disbelief. Whoever was playing that sick ass game with me, was beyond evil. The more I drank, the more enraged I became. And, by the time I realized it, I had finished up two bottles.
And, all I could think about was the day I met Cartier. I had just gotten off work and I stopped by the store to get gas and a slushy. I was coming out the store when this guy bumped into me and walked right out the store without saying excuse me. Before I could I say anything to him, I heard, “Aye man, don’t you have any manners. You just bumped the lady.”
“Go to hell,” the guy shouted back.
“Excuse me.” Cartier walked up to this dude who was clearly bigger than him. He stood toe to toe with old dude.
A couple seconds later the old dude turned to me, “Excuse me mam.” I have no idea what Cartier said to him, but whatever it was it worked.
“Thank you,” I told him. “You didn’t have to do that.” I’m a big girl and pretty sure I could have held my ground with him.
“We don’t tolerate disrespecting our women around here,” he said with that charming smile and huge dimples. “You go to Commons Central?”
“No, I just graduated.” I wasn’t from Commons but decided to stick around after landing a job at a marketing firm. My parents expected me to move back to Birmingham, but I wasn’t feeling it.
“Alright. I’m Cartier.” He stretched his hand out for a handshake. Something I didn’t expect because he was wearing baggy jeans, a white tee and Air Force Ones. I immediately knew his profession as a street pharmacist. Yep, I was sterotyping.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Monroe. And, thank you again,” I said before proceeding in the store. On my way out with my slushy and raspberry Zingers, Cartier stopped me.
“Miss Monroe, I was wondering if I could get your number? I would love to take you out to dinner.” He grabbed the nozzle and started pumping my gas for me.
I was hesitant to respond.
“Come on now. Ruby Tuesday’s. Applebee’s. Chilis. Fatz. You pick.”
I was considering taking him up on his offer, but there was one thing I needed to know. “How old are you,” I asked.
“You know it’s like Aaliyah said, age ain’t nothing but a number.”
“So did the Isley Brother’s. No for real how old are you?”
“Legal.”
“Legal to buy cigarettes or legal to buy liquor?”
“Legal.”
“Legal to buy cigarettes.”
He started laughing. “What’s your number?”
It was 2001 and we still had house phones, so I gave him my home phone number. My cell phone was prepaid and I only reserved it for family and friends. After I gave him my number, I pulled off in my Honda Accord and headed to my apartment. And, informed my bestie and roommate, CoCo, about the guy at the gas station.
CoCo was born and raised in Commons and knew exactly who Cartier was. “Girl he hangs out with my little brother,” she told me. I had to be clear because she had two younger brothers. A 21-year-old and a 19-year-old. And of course, Cartier was friends with her 19-year-old brother.
“Girl, he’s a baby.”
“No he’s not. According to the law he’s grown.”
“Not grown enough to buy alcohol.”
She started laughing, “He can vote.”
An hour after arriving home, Cartier called and smoothed talked me into going out to dinner with him. Which was the best decision I ever made. Six months after we met, he gave up his pharmaceutical business and joined the marines. Six months after that we got married. My husband wasn’t even 21 when we got married. My parents thought I was crazy. But, over the years he proved to be the man he told my dad he would be. And, for that I’m forever grateful.
The two bottles of wine put me out, and I didn’t make it back upstairs to my bed. I woke up at 6:30 when my alarm went off. I turned it off to make sure it didn’t wake up the sleepyheads upstairs.
I cleared the empty bottles off the table and grabbed some Tylenol from the cabinet for my headache. I had at least an hour before I woke the girls up to get ready to start their day. So, I headed into my office to do some work. The events from earlier were out of my mind until I checked my phone. I had three missed calls from an unknown number.
Irritated, I deleted them from my phone and called CoCo to see if she could tell me how I could block whoever was calling.
“Hello.” She sounded as if I had awaken her from a deep sleep.
“Good morning.”
CoCo was not a morning person, nor was she an introvert like me. She was an extrovert with an extreme shopping habit. So, staying inside was pushing her close to edge. Then I remembered that we had a three-hour time-difference because she was out in L.A.
“I’m sorry to call so early, but I need your help.”
“No problem what’s going on?”
“I need to block an unknown number?”
“You mean private?”
“No unknown. I checked and I have private calls blocked, but I’m getting unknown calls.”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to ask Jaylen.” Jaylen is my 19-year-old godson. “I’ll ask him when he wakes up. He’s spending his days playing Fortnite and going to school online. Girl, why did Commons Central have to shut down the rest of the school year? He is eating me out of house and home.”
“Rona out here giving us hell. That’s why.”
We both started laughing.
“What’s up with the unknown phone calls,” she asked.
I didn’t know how to tell her. She would have thought I was out of my mind, but I didn’t know who else I could talk to. “Someone called me pretending to be Cartier.”
“Do what? Hold on.”
Just then I received a called on my Amazon Show. “Hello.”
“Girl, I had to look you in the face. Are you serious right now?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my god, who would do something like that? Did they call the girls?”
“I don’t know. I pray they didn’t.”
“That’s some cruel shit.” Then she looked straight into the camera, “Yesterday?”
“I know.”
“How did you guys hold up?”
“It didn’t hit me until last night about 11 what the day was. I posted on Facebook.”
I could see her grabbing her phone. Before she could say something I received another unknown call. “They’re calling again.”
“Answer it and put their ass on speaker phone.”
I took a deep breath before answering and putting it on speaker so CoCo could hear.
“Hello.”
“Baby don’t hang up it’s me. We met June 17, 2001 at Zee’s Corner Mart.”
Sheer terror was on my face. I looked at the monitor and the same was on Coco’s. My hands were shaking like a leaf on a tree. And, my heart was pounding in my chest. Tears ran down my face.
“Baby, I’m alive.”
